


Blackbird

by indecisivemess



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Background King Creativity | Romulus Sanders, Beta Read!, Gruesome Imagery, Heavily based on my current theories, Intrusive Thoughts, Loneliness, M/M, Mentions of the split, Obsessive Behavior, Pining Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Remus centered, Somehow turned into a character study of Remus, This started as my first dekuxiety fic, Virgil knows how to sing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 13:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivemess/pseuds/indecisivemess
Summary: "Remus recognized the song, or at least the vague sound of it, from the many sleepless nights he had shared with Paranoia. Not that the other knew about it, but it had become his little comfort- when his mind wouldn’t let go of the events that had followed the split, the duke would get out of his room and hear, coming from the end of the hallway, the muffled beats of his emo’s music.He thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard in his short lived existence.That is, until Virgil left him."
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Blackbird

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it's me, back at it again. I got the idea to write this fic while listening to Dance Dance from Fall Out Boy, because on the first hear of it, i took the lyrics too literally and also didnt realize the sexual connotations of it until later but aqbaks, the title is based of a song from the Beatles that i didnt even know existed until my partner suggested i make that the title of the fic. I feel like the input of both of those songs helps the interpretation of this fic. 
> 
> All of it being said, Remus is an extremely difficult character for me to write so i hope this pleases the remus kinnies out there.

Chaotic. That’s the word Remus would use to describe how everything was when the split happened. Loud was a close second.

He’d still think about it from time to time. Mostly when he was feeling particularly lonely. He had memories before the split happened, of the King going around and being a High and Mighty jerk, but those weren’t really _him._ More like, a really weird and distorted dream you had once when you were a kid - that you never forgot because it fucked you up so bad.

The duke could admit he was _still_ kind of a jerk at times, but that is besides the point. He had found it weird at first, how he had been laying on the ground, his bones aching like he had been sent flying across the Common Room, his ears ringing to top it all off. Rushed steps made the floor tremble underneath him and sides popping up from all corners of the mind thickened the air with magic, but the difficult breathing only pumped a rush of excited adrenaline through his confused body.

Remus genuinely thought this meant they had died. That Thomas had probably tripped and fallen, his head slashing open to gush blood and brains all over the least unsuspecting person. It wasn’t a pretty sight, that sort of disturbing imagery being something that he had never envisioned in so much detail, but he was oddly okay with it.

Then there were hands on him.

His ears ringed louder over the sound of someone speaking, the scratch of deafening static growing, and right after that his throat started hurting, like he had swallowed sandpaper from the fun of it. It sunk in much later than it should have, the fact that he had been laughing maniacally to distract from the very vivacious and overpowering realization that he had no idea what was going on.

The voices quieted down, but the thoughts inside of his head didn’t. It felt like his mind was going to explode from all of the pressure, all of the emotions. He couldn’t stop laughing.

And like an angel sent from above, soft, scaley fingertips brushed against the back of his skull, in that typical, circular motion that he was so used to. Tears came to his eyes from the familiarity of it all, and to this day, Remus wasn’t exactly sure why.

King had always been a bit of a brat, but he didn’t feel like he was Creativity now. There were so many possibilities jumping around in his mind, pilling on top of each other and mixing together until nothing made sense, but Self-Preservation was here, and that was at least a bit comforting.

Yellow quickly flooded his blurry vision as he relaxed into the generous head scritches the other was offering him, and soon enough, his gentle, worried eyes shined with relief. Janus’s new favorite dress shirt was horrendous, and his little bowtie had come undone somehow, and only as Remus’s undressed him with his eyes did he wonder how serious of a situation this could be, when the most well-kept side looked so disheveled like this.

Double Dee was talking to someone all the way across the room, and Remus had wanted to look at them at the time, wanted to understand why his scaled friend looked so composedly upset, but his head felt heavy, and the Mindscape shook again. Self-Preservation impressively took his new body in his arms, and all but sank out without saying goodbye.

Paranoia came out of his room for once to watch his grandiose arrival. His edgy prince charming had turned into the most handsome racoon, a sudden surge of panic shooting through his heart as he watched the duke’s presence being carried out by a pissed off Janus, the black contrasting so much more than it should against his pale pale skin.

For a second, it seemed like he was going to attack him, pull out a dagger and slice his throat, put Remus out of his misery, but that never happened. He hugged himself instead, bracing his dark figure for the end of times, and Self-Preservation momentarily left the duke on the floor as he stepped closer to attend to their little trash cat.

They were so young back then, and Paranoia already struggled to breathe.

His body had regained his strength then, childlike worry fueling his movements through the fuzziness in front of his eyes, like his friend had just told him he was about to puke, and he was dropping by Virgil’s side a bit more messily than he had predicted, his ankles and knees cracking from the intensity of it all.

At the time, from the closed distance, Remus had thought that he was beautiful. Even with the tear tracks cutting through his eyeshadow and the puffy nose, a royal sense of chivalry viewed Paranoia as nothing more than an obscure damsel in distress, one that he could rescue, and that quickly filled in the gigantic hole in his chest.

Perhaps he had spooked him a little, coming off too strong with the crazy eyes and the weirdly specific invented story he had wiped on the spot to distract him, but Remus had taken the awkward look thrown his way as a win, showing Virgil the biggest smile he could manage. His dark shoulders didn’t look so tense anymore, and his breathing was calm again, so the duke rapidly put some distance between them, wondering aloud where he could find his room from where they were standing.

He realized too late that the Mindscape had changed, shifted into a modified copy of its former appearance. The hall that should stretch out, decorated with multiple colorful doors, had been cut in half, leading to a dead end, and as he turned to the only other two sides there, Remus could see that Self-Preservation was just as confused as him, if not a little upset. He’d be more excited about the other’s anger if he didn’t appear so scarily serious.

After a bit of exploring, J-anus had explained to them his theory, and Virgil didn’t stick around much longer after that, looking very close to crying right before he disappeared. A surge of anger had shot through him then, and Remus couldn’t find a valid reason to stop all of his emotions from spilling out, his unrestrained curses echoing in this new, empty and cold Mindscape. He wasn’t sure how he had managed to sink out back then, so blind with fury that he broke through the very foundation of the mess Thomas’s mind had just created, but when he popped up on the Common Room again, **three** pairs of eyes landed on him, and the guy wearing a red sash made his soul ache.

He thinks he screamed at them, shouting profanities and curses, blaming Patton and Logan and this new guy for making Virgil cry, for trapping them on the other side, but the only thing he distinctively remembers is the coolness of the blade pressed against his throat. The prince- Roman - his mind whispered at him - instantly regretted his actions, he could see it in his determined royal eyes, and by the looks of it, the idiot must have heard it too, the weird voice mumbling his name.

Daddy had ran up to them and tried to desperately tug Roman away from Remus, but the prince wouldn’t budge, eyes glued to the imperfect copy of himself staring right back at him. Their souls flickered in sink, recognizing their other half, and while that washed the royal with silent comprehension, it only fueled Remus’s rage.

He was only half thankful that Dee stopped him back then, quickly dragging him back to their side. Their Mind Palace...

Life was extremely boring after that. Thomas had decided to be a good Christian boy after the split happened, even though he thought about fucking a different choir guy across the church pews every other day. Or maybe that was Remus’s influence. No one was really sure what was happening on that department.

Besides that, he practically had no hobbies. Exploring the possibilities his new room had to offer was fun for only a few hours at a time before he quickly got bored and decided to go annoy J-anus instead. But not even the duke was that stupid. Self-Preservation was fun to play with, but his limits were very well drawn out; as soon as Remus crossed one by mistake, it was almost like his scales glistened with slime under the weak lighting of the liar’s room, snake tongue suddenly that much more impatient, eyes going as thin as needles.

He knew when to leave, even if being eaten alive by the snake sounded kinda fun.

Paranoia, on the other hand, seemed to be avoiding him. Not that they used to be close before, but his little black hole would always stick around, creepily staring at the King from the sidelines. He had imagined at times that he was planning his assassination, or maybe even a counter plan, in case anyone tried to get there before him. Now, if his tiny emo body ever left his room, it was probably a sign the world was about to end.

That didn’t stop Remus from trying.

From this cold pit of darkness where they lived now, Virgil was one of his lifelines back into known territory, and a very cute one at that. And unrestrained like he was, the duke felt like he could do or conjure anything that he saw fit, no matter the consequences of his actions, so that was bound to impress Paranoia sooner or later.

If he opened his _goddamn door._

Most of the time it was blatantly obvious that he was ignoring him, the sound of the lock clicking shut in the middle of Remus’s sentences being a very clear indicator that the other didn’t want him around. Good thing he loved challenges.

He had managed to surprise Virgil a handful of times in the beginning, finding blind spots and holes in his reasoning, relishing in the way his eyes widened and his pale face contorted with frustration. Even if he was promptly banished from Paranoia’s room shortly after being discovered, those small instances fueled him for days.

Now that he had become predictable, however, the emo nightmare had thoroughly made sure that Remus had no way of getting in, and that had left the duke just slightly pouty over the situation. Miserable even, to the point of sticking by the dark wooden door on a daily basis, pacing back and forth in front of it.

Self-Preservation - Deceit now -, eerily had talked him out of simply blowing up his door and barging into his room multiple times. It was such a common occurrence, in fact, that they could start their day just with that, good mornings be damned.

“Oh, hi there, Dee-Dee”

“Do not create a species of spider that you can use to spy on Virgil. He will adopt it and use it against your will.”

“Okaaaaay! How about-“

“No, you shouldn’t give him a comically sized box full of explosives that you attempted very poorly to wrap up like a present.”

“You’re no fun, yknow.”

“You know I’m amazing.”

Remus prided himself in how good his impressions of Janus were getting, despite being very much aware of how he would never reach Deceit’s level of perfection. It was good enough to distract his mind from the impending doom of death and the certain and constant passage of time. And it gave him an excuse to have anything resembling a routine. He had heard the hot teacher explaining that to someone once, hidden in the shadows while looking for a fun target to play with.

That’s how he would sum up Thomas’s teenage and young adult years to be, endless hours of sitting by a door that never opened, like a loyal dog waiting for the owner that got hit by a car while crossing the street. The duke still did other things, like eating more than his human body should handle, trying to kill Double Dee _at least_ once a week, sometimes even venture off into the Light Mind Palace just to cause trouble, but none of those things really filled the hole in his chest.

He secretly hoped they would pile up and make him feel complete one day.

It was before Thomas’s birthday, Remus thinks, when he had heard Virgil singing for the first time.

They all knew how to sing – it was a given when the main guy was a huge theater nerd -, but Paranoia was well, anxious to the point it got annoying. Either way, the shy, melodic noise of his deep voice rumbling on the base of his throat made his empty heart speed up like he had just ran a marathon. The sudden flutter and missed beats were loud enough that they drowned out the quiet emo song, but that didn’t stop Remus from tripping over his feet and coming closer to the door, pressing his ear against the wood until it started aching.

Remus recognized the song, or at least the vague sound of it, from the many sleepless nights he had shared with Paranoia. Not that the other knew about it, but it had become his little comfort- when his mind wouldn’t let go of the events that had followed the split, the duke would get out of his room and hear, coming from the end of the hallway, the muffled beats of his emo’s music.

He thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard in his short lived existence.

That is, until Virgil left him.

Funny enough, how Remus was the first one to find out about Paranoia’s disappearance. He had been awfully close to those disgusting Light Sides as of late, staring at his twin brother with eyes he never directed his way, and the duke wasn’t sure how much blood he had shed, as a way to distract himself from the emotions spiking through his chest. It was after one of his little trips to the Imagination to kill- _hunt,_ an entirely new species he had created when he had decided to maybe go do a little visit, check out how his emo was doing. The blood dripping from his hair and staining his clothes was probably fine, practically invisible against all the black!

His room had not been where he had last left it.

Instead of the black door, almost hidden against the darkest, most scariest corner of their Mind Palace, Remus was met with a simple bland wall, the straightest thing he had seen in a while. He even stared at it, gave it a second chance of surviving as he actually checked if he simply wasn’t seeing it wrong, charging forward to get his eyes closer to the space where Virgil’s door had been all these years as he stuffed his despair down.

Thankfully, his throat had closed up before he managed to summon his morning star, something he couldn’t quite place burning through his chest. The metal was almost too smooth as it brushed against his palms, the ball of spikes hovering above his head barely glistening through the shadows as the first blow punched a hole through the wall where the door should have been, where his Virgil should be standing to scream at him.

Hot tears blurred his vision, made his hits more sloppy as he destroyed through the concrete until there was nothing left except the Dark Void.

Deceit was by his side by the time his emotions exploded out of him, his watery wails finally echoing across the Mind Scape as his weapon hit the floor with a heavy thud. Somehow, roughly pushed to the very back of his head, Remus knew what this meant. Besides the future solitude he had to endure, the fact that Virgil had been accepted by the Light Sides made the hole inside of his chest pulse painfully, like someone had reached into his ribcage and broken all of his bones just so they could grab at his heart and rip it out.

Making use of his acting skills, with a snap of his fingers he had stopped crying, forcefully rubbing the tears away as his typical crazed smile was slapped into place. Janus didn’t look convinced – nothing ever really fooled him -, but he pretended well enough, waving out his hand to fix the mess that the duke had caused.

They didn’t talk about Remus’s outburst, or about Virgil leaving, in fact. It seemed like those had been circumstances Double Dee had effortlessly predicted, or he simply didn’t care in the first place. He had slowly become more detached from his emotions, hiding them away behind the scales that spread a little bit more every day, and in all honesty, the duke had been too distracted by his raccoon to notice how his friend was hanging.

This small bump in the road brought them closer, however, whether the snake liked it or not. Neither of them felt so alone when Remus actively tried to stab the liar, or surprised him with a messy prank. Sometimes, the surprise would simply be to drop onto his bed asking for cuddles, but it still produced the desired effect.

Despite the adorably upset hisses, on some nights, the duke still found himself wandering around, his tired mind bringing him to the empty end of the hallway, instead of Deceit’s room. He’d blame it on muscle memory, ignoring the ache that came with remembering about Paranoia, and he would quickly return to his room before the feeling could marinate further and spread uncontrollably.

He went by Anxiety now, and he wasn’t really sure if his function had changed or if he was just covering up his past so the others wouldn’t find out about the true extension of his evil nature. Remus thought about it almost daily, how easy it would be to use that against him, the vengeful ideas rapidly pilling up. He’d even think about it when he’d rather not do it, his heart still aching softly for the other, but he guessed that came with the job of being in charge of intrusive thoughts.

For some reason or another, Remus only realized how easy it was to sneak into the Light Sides rooms after his wonderful and so awaited debut. He tested it out despite Janus’s requests- _especially_ because of Janus’s requests – and Logan didn’t even seem to notice that he had snuck into his room and moved everything 5 inches to the left. Watching him bump into the corners of his desk and tripping on his bed made his evil snickers bubble inside of his chest. The teacher’s confused expression was gonna fuel him for _days._

The dark creativity was content enough with just that, willing to return to his place without destroying anything, maybe even allowing himself to sleep a full night for once, but as he strode down the hallway, a familiar humming quickly froze him in place, and Remus almost ripped his heart out of his chest to be able to confirm he wasn’t actually going crazy. Messily tiptoing around, following the sound he could barely hear over the pounding in his ears, he came to an equally familiar black door, standing hidden behind the shadows. The nostalgia of it all made his eyes prickle.

It was different now, though. He wanted to hate it, find any flaw possible in Virgil’s singing, but he simply couldn’t. He sounded at ease, more confident in his abilities, and that carried out through the melody Remus didn’t quite recognize. He vaguely wondered if his moans would sound as good while he rubbed his eyes.

The shock took a slip second to click into place, but once it did, any and all control the duke could have had over that train of thought went out the window. Standing so close to Virgil’s room, specially now that he thought that he was safe, meant that he had his guard down, and that even if the duke burst in through the door, the emo wouldn’t have any chances of fighting back. He could practically picture his wide eyes already, his angry shouts to mask the panic coursing through him, and Remus didn’t have to play nice this time. He could go ahead and show the other how strong he had become since they last saw each other, grab at his arms and rip his clothes away, see for himself the milky white skin he had always wished for.

The whimper climbing up his throat cut through the images running around his head, and when he became more aware of his surroundings, Virgil’s singing had stopped and he was curled up into a ball in the middle of the floor. Thankfully, no one had saw him yet.

That didn’t stop his desires from overflowing after being contained for so long. Every night now, the dark side would sneak into the Light Mind Palace and crash next to Virgil’s door, wondering what he could be doing inside. Yes, he was getting obsessive, but he wasn’t hurting anybody just yet when he had all the power in his hands to do so, so really, people should be praising him for his self-control.

It was quiet, most of the time, and boringly uneventful, the shadows enveloping all around Virgil’s room contributing to the appearance that it was just the two of them, separated by a simple door from speaking to each other again. Remus was sure no one would be able to hear his screams if he barged in right now. Not that he wanted that, but after all this time, he wasn’t sure what was him and what were his intrusive thoughts anymore. He just wanted to be able to hold him, hear his emo speaking to him, and if he had to break his trust to get it, so be it.

His hand was grabbing at the handle before he could stop himself, sorrow invading his expressions openly, and then Virgil’s wide eyes were on him.

\- Virgil! – Remus quickly collected himself, throwing the door closed behind him as he breached further into his room. – Long time no see-

\- What are you doing here? – he cut him off, panic visibly starting to get to him, and wasn’t that just amazing.

\- That’s no way of treating an old pal.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear everyone's takes on where you think this could go :)


End file.
